Tuesday, August 15, 2006

In love with oneself

A good friend of mine was telling me when we were in highschool that people are made out of different personalities, each alive and fighting for control. He called them rather pompously infrapersonalities. They all define you in some way or another and the "you" is not a simple sum, but a warped weighted average.

Taking the reasoning further, I reached the conclusion that the way we perceive other people is also encapsulated in a hostage personality that describes that person. We don't relate to the actual people, but with our projection of them. Of course, that applies to everything, not just people, but it's besides the point I am trying to make.

What if you spend a lot of time defining such a person? Doesn't it mean the associated infrapersonality "gains weight"? It becomes more alive inside you. There is even a disorder when people switch from one dominant personality to another.

But what if you had feelings for that person? Could its infrapersonality remain alive, evolving separately inside you? Of course it could. And then, why can't you retain the feelings you had for that person if it is alive and so close to you?

I end my reasoning here. I completely pass the (important) point that even if you do love a living and existing person it is still a feeling related to an internal representation of that person. At least it gets updated. Can one projection of another person make you continue to be in love with it, in the absence of that person? I think it can. Worse, I think it is happening to me, and that makes me (even more than you possibly thought) in love with myself. Bummer, huh?